I was speaking to someone recently who described their experience of being bullied –
“It’s like you’re a little mouse, and in the other corner is a raging bull!”
There’s a lot of advice out there to people who are feeling bullied, they are often advised along the lines of: calmly tell the other person you object to their behaviour and ask them to stop it. (source: Safe Work Australia website)
Think about that in the context that the effects of bullying ‘can seriously harm [an individual’s] mental health with depression, psychological distress and emotional exhaustion common outcomes…’ (source Safe Work Australia). ‘No matter what form bullying takes, the results can be the same – severe distress and pain for the person being bullied. (source Australian Human Rights Commission)
A bully picks on someone they perceive to be weaker and pushes in a manner that exploits their power – standing up to that is hard. Imagine you’re feeling like that little mouse, you’re emotionally exhausted and distressed – and the raging bull keeps coming…
The strength, energy and courage to take a stand in that situation can feel herculean. But what if others were calming the bull? What if people who had more strength and a stronger voice in the conversation were taking action when they saw or heard the early signs?
In reality – who can influence the behaviour of the bully?
There’s a lot of onus put on the person being bullied. People in positions of power and influence who see or suspect the behaviour need to take a stand. They need to stand by those being bullied, and stand up to those bullying to shift the balance of power. Power and influence isn’t just hierarchical, who are the peers who the bully respects? Who does he or she listen to? – if that’s you, you have an opportunity to influence. Take notice, and think carefully about how you can impact their behaviour.
If those who have power and influence are reluctant to take a stand, how can we push those who are at their mercy to do so alone?
We’ve all heard from the Harvey Weinstein and Don Burke media coverage that people ‘heard stories’ for years. To change the landscape, we need to mobilise the village. It’s more than #MeToo. We know the magnitude of the problem. It’s looking to all those on the dance floor (or in the meeting room, the construction site, the movie-set, the shop floor…) but looking the other way. Have the courage to turn around and pull the bull in a different direction.
Imagine if the village rallied. The peers and influencers: the rest of the leadership team when they see the same person hounded and victimised or excluded and belittled in meetings. The team leader who calls out unacceptable behaviour instead of laughing it off or ignoring it. Other team members who are well-respected taking notice and taking action.
I had a really challenging time at one point in my career. I remember a meeting during this time where I was completely shut-down, to the point where a number of colleagues approached me afterwards to tell me that person was out of line. Unfortunately, I don’t think any of them approached the person who shut me down with the same message. I was told to ‘toughen-up’.
Let’s mobilise the village and stop the bullies.
If this post brings up issues for you, or if you feel you need someone to talk to here are some useful resources:
Lifeline: phone 131 114
Beyond Blue: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/
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In my work now, I help companies build inclusive cultures.
I believe that everybody has a voice. It’s the responsibility of the collective to make sure the voices are heard.